Job Hunting


– Force-fed Warren Harding live ferrets and wombats until Harding exploded in a shower of nickels and quarters.
– Kidnapped novelist Virginia Woolf using a time-exposure suit designed by novelist Emily Brontë.

– Built the world’s first intra-thoracic model railway whilst moonlighting as an intensive care surgeon.
– Fired by the Oregon-Northwest Steam-Rail Company for using the telegraph to repeatedly broadcast “WENIS (STOP) OR WENUS??(STOP)” for over 36 consecutive hours.

– Sponsored an expedition to the lost city of Whanoctlatolepec after reading about it in a copy of “Boys’ Own Adventures.”
– Failed to secure a Papal pardon, despite all efforts.

– Produced in a factory that processes peanuts.
– Performed eye surgery only once, on Raul Castro.

– Dabbled in international finance, but was fired due to anti-cloneism.
– Is legally prohibited from unfolding in time and the Z-axis.
– Arrested for wantonly disseminating information on and relating to the proper maintenance of a vagina without the proper authorization or knowledge.
A valued member of this organization, perhaps?