Roving Time Baron of No Fixed Address Soichiro Honda briefly reappeared today, in the middle of the launch of Nissan’s new “Let’s drive a Nissan perhaps!” ad campaign, to tell the world press of motoring wonders that will occur long after all who were present are dead.
“I entreat you to listen, unappealing scribes,” Honda said. “In 300 years, Toyota releases a new ‘AE86’. And it’s pretty good!” Shocked onlookers report Honda’s bubble of temporal energy crackling malevolently as he described the virtues of the quadruple-rotate engine, which will revolutionize personal tranport “circa 2190”. Other cars to look forward to, although not for any of us, are a series of Hyundai-Bright Star SUVs that will come out “during the Age of Saumarez” and be of reputedly good quality, museum-quality reissues of notable hatchbacks of the 2040s, and a spiritual successor to the Mercedes G-Wagen that will be released in 2644.
“And that’s just what’s coming this millennium!” Honda continued. “In 46,321, Lada-Porsche release a new take on the feeling of peace. In 10^11 AD, The Honda Entity will release a new ball of energy to carry you between the stars as if in a timeless dream, which will be decently received and compare well with Voss Imperium’s similar, but more expensive line of energy balls. And 10^14 years after the Big Bang, when star formation ceases and all that remains is contraction and the decay of all things for a little while, until 10^100, we’ll have some great new Civics out.”
Press reaction was mixed. Most of those present went home feeling overwhelmed at their new knowledge of the manner of the universe’s eventual end, the incomprehensible time scale on which it will occur, and with a fresh realization of their own mortality. “10 to the power of 100 years? What? Proton Age?! I don’t even… I need to go to the Voss Nose booth and have a drink,” said Top Motoring editor Steve “Mad Dog” Nicefellow. Others remain upbeat. “I can’t wait to see those new Civics!”, said somebody from MSN.