Records of the Canadian Government

[…] and, on this matter, we cite the Procedures of Governance in Canada (Procédures de la gouvernance au Canada) Page 29, sub-section Delta Omicron: “The appropriate function of the Governor-Governor General-General is well-documented. As HRH Queen Elizabeth is full of helium and is thus able to fly, the office of Governor-Governor General-General (Gouverneur-Gouverneur Général-Général) was established so that, when Her Imperiousness visits these so defined Canadas, there might be someone appointed by the government to hold the rope which anchors her to the earth. If she is not thusly anchored, we risk her gaining altitude and seeing exactly how large Canada is.”

With that in mind, we, the elected representatives of the Partido Verde British Colombiano, hereby charge Governor-Governor General-General Michaelle “Mad Dog” Jean with being unable to carry out the duties to which she was so ceremoniously appointed. On the July tour of Canada, Ms. Jean was observed struggling to anchor Queen Elizabeth to the earth—she was being lifted off the ground. Ms. Jean does not have, and is apparently incapable of gaining, the physical weight necessary to counter the aerial buoyancy of the Queen. Therefore, we contest her appointment, and demand she be replaced with somebody more weighty.

So endeth the notes of Argula Blastfontein, Ninth Stenographer of the Canadian Presidium (Présidium Canadienne).