The one called Jeff awoke at 1:25, in the peëth of em, and spake to nobody in particular. “I would like nachos,” Jeff said. Our Lord the One True Jeff went to the kitchen side of his studio apartment, and searched for chips and cheese. In that, the Age of Despair, and no chips nor any cheese were to be found. But this did not sway Jeff, for he had known hardship before.

The path to Lucky’s was long, and tough. Jeff wandered for many minutes, before finding a bus stop. “This is great,” though Jeff. “Whoa.” As they were not yet enlightened, the other travelers on the bus did not look upon Jeff. Lucky’s welcomed Jeff, however, and he was able to find cheese and chips after only a mild struggle and a few onsets of plague. Truly, Jeff though, that was cool of them. It was but 2:40 in the Time of Our Jeff. He had not realized that, due to the Thanksgiving Holiday, the buses had stopped running at 2. This was to be the Dark Age of Jeff, the time of loss and wandering. For the path back from Lucky’s was known to Jeff, but as it was dark, and as he was sad about being exiled, he became lost.

Jeff wandered Colorado for 40 minutes and 40 more minutes. Hunger and desperation took hold, and he begun to question if he would get back in time to see “Survivor: Minneapolis”. It was then, during his time of great sadness, that Jeff came upon a burning Subaru Outback. It tried to talk to him, and Jeff thought “Dang,” and went to take a nap in a small grove.

Jeff was poked, and hit about the knee with a long twig. He opened his eyes and saw a face peering down at him. “Dang,” it said. This person, he who woke Jeff, would become known as Chad, the First Disciple. “What’s up,” Chad said. Chad drove Jeff home, and they watched “Survivor: Minneapolis” together while Jeff ate nachos. “This was great,” Chat said. It was then that Jeff said “Yes.” It was then that Chad began to tell others of Jeff; records still exist of the message he sent to Crissy, Knower of Chad. “wut up w u?”, Chad’s message said. It was there that the Gospel of Jeff According to Chad began, and this story ends.