Infirmapleurisy

The first step is to surprise a cephalopod. A captive cephalopod is no good as they live in a constant state of wonderment at their captors, the bipeds, and so their ink defense produces something closer in spirit to sliced pork. No, my friends; you must go below the ocean’s first two layers (the “chump […]

It’s-a Me, Blorphlax

I made-a the pizza-pie! Apart from making good sauce, I found that the trick to it was laminating the bejesus out of the dough — roll it out, cover in butter, roll it up. This is alluded to in the work “Roll it up, light it up” by noted chefs Cypress Hill. Likewise, you have […]

Half Past Zero Dark Thirty

00:15: LadaNivaGTI: i must go, low petrol for generator *** LadaNivaGTI Quit (Quit: ) 00:17: xxUmarov4Life420xx: ok buddy 01:42: xxUmarov4Life420xx: brothers, do you know what song is good? 01:42: xxUmarov4Life420xx: song of kelly son of clark, “stronger”, this is good 01:43: xxUmarov4Life420xx: blasphemous of course *** vladimirpuddin sets mode: +b xxUmarov4Life420xx *** xxUmarov4Life420xx was kicked […]

Neutronic Blorpisy

This may not have quite the same consumer potential as the Ennui Smartwatch, but here’s another idea that I think has real potential for the corporate back-end market. I guess I spaced out for about 20 minutes and was thinking about companies commoditizing farts, like, electric farts that make corporate logos. It could be in […]

Word to Yo Home Prefecture

Vampires are all worn out now, unless you work for the CW, and werewolves along with them. I say to you that it is time to bring back sexy mummy books, or possibly write some if they weren’t real before. I feel that this is the true way to the #1 spot on the YA […]

Recordings of Robonians III

Gliese Times-Navigator: So, you are the unit known as Li- LITTLE JIM DOES NOT WISH TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS QUESTIONNAIRE LITTLE JIM VALUES HIS PRIVACY LITTLE JIM WISHES TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM ALL GLIESE TIMES-NAVIGATOR PROMOTIONAL MAILING LISTS LITTLE JIM ASKS THAT HIS PREVIOUS REQUEST BE AMENDED TO EXCLUDE NOTIFICATIONS OF DEALS AT LOCAL BREAKFAST FOOD […]

Alpreseur

I bought a book on Amazon about the Battle of the Nile, and for some reason they suggested that I might also like this book, even though I’ve never bought a book that has anything to do with religion or politics, with the possible exception of all those biographies I have of Victorians who went […]